ATTACKING ANXIETY
HEY! I have something to say. & it’s been a while since I’ve unleashed some truth on this thing so bear w/ me. full transparency: I found myself in the ER last week, because of anxiety. I’m talking like... crippling, can’t drive, can’t stand, can’t sleep (CAN’T* do much of anything), worst-in-my-life anxiety.
*CAN’T, btw, is a BS word & should be completely eradicated from the English dictionary. I’ll explain further as I wrap this up.
We all have hard times, but we all tend to forget that because social media often makes us out to be these Barbie Doll humans when there’s really no such thing. No matter how picture perfect someone’s life may seem, we’re all struggling w/ something; it’s inevitable. & the reason I’m so comfortable sharing my struggle is because I’ve become too familiar w/ the fear of feeling alone in it. If my experience can help even one person, then hell yeah! If you’ve never personally dealt w/ mental illness, then it’s nearly impossible for me to describe the darkness of depression, or the distress of a chronic panic attack. But this post is about finding the light at the end of that dreadful tunnel.
So fast forward through the ER, a series of restless nights, & more Xanax than I’m content w/ consuming... I finally manifested the energy to drive, to a special place every human should pay a visit: the wonderful, whimsical world of @jennysweeney! Where rules don’t exist & imperfections are cherished — quite frankly a rather intimidating environment for my perfectionist self. We had no plan; just a blank canvas & the world’s largest collection of paint & brushes. I wrote the word ANXIETY in the dull, grayish color that recently consumed my brain & devised to shit all over it w/ neons & glitter. Jenny & I took turns adding to our masterpiece, & it was then that I started to learn some valuable life lessons, like...
1. Just when you think you have it all figured out, @jennysweeney will take some white paint & rid that little design you grew so fond of. In other words, learning to let go of attachments, such as ruminating thoughts in the case of mental health, is key to moving forward. Anxiety has played a role in my reality for seven years. I’ve had it fairly managed for six — or so I thought. Life throws constant curveballs, & you need to be prepared to catch em (aka take care of yourself).
2. Evaluate your friendships. Who do you surround yourself w/ & what kind of energy do they bring to your table? Sometimes great friends aren’t so hard to find. Sometimes they’re right in your own backyard (or @jennysweeney’s making art). Showing up is the hardest part. But once you do, you’ll be surprised at how much you actually have in common w/ others. & once you realize that, making connections becomes effortless.
3. “I CAN’T do X, Y, or Z” is a bogus statement. Don’t say it — out loud or in your thoughts. Because the human mind is so powerful, you will actually convince yourself that you can’t do stuff that you actually CAN. Even if things don’t always come easily as they once did... like making a sandwich or breathing... take your time & celebrate life’s little accomplishments (& cut yourself some slack) because they will, in fact, become easier the more you practice.
Last week I was struggling to keep my entire body from trembling. Today I’m sending my experience into The Universe to remind you that if my stubborn ass self can get through this, so can you. Huge shoutout to @jennysweeney for the enlightenment! As our painting (im)perfectly demonstrates: ANXIETY will always be there. It’s not something you erase or cure, it’s something you manage. But if you can find some glitter to splatter over the gray, you’ll see that even the darkness can be turned into light. The sun sets so it can rise again. & there IS beauty in the ugly — you just have to C R E A T E it.